spilt song lyrics

You know you've done it, everyone has, misinterpreted the lyrics of a song. You've been cruising down the road with a carload of the coolest cats you run with, everyone beltin' it out at the top of their lungs, when suddenly you (or someone) sing the most absurd thing with the utmost sincerity and everyone cracks up. Here are some of the best ones I've heard in my short life.

"Don't put your love out on the pavement..."-my dear Grammur sang this instead of "Don't put your love out on me babaaaay"

"Va-cuu-ming..."-Annlies best friend Cidney sang this instead of "Rescue me..."

"Is that you baby or just a bridge in disgui-ii-ise..."- I sang this instead of "Is that you baby or just a brilliant disguise..." my friend Bill sang it "Is that you baby or just a grin in disguise..." (Brilliant Disguise by the Boss)

"Heeeenry, busted" a good friend sang this instad of "Tin roof, rusted." (Loveshack by the B52's)

"Tin roof, sundae!"-my friend Laura sang this instead of "Tin roof, rusted"(I think she was having a munchies attack...)

"Ice-ca-pades"-old friend Ginny sang that instead of "Es-ca-pade" (Janet Jackson, Escapade)

"Pudus take the wheeeeeel"-the DivineMissM (my baby Madelynn) sang this instead of "Jesus take the wheel" I think she just thought it was funny. She was sitting at her Cinderella vanity, in her Ariel costume, with hot pink spots of blush on her cheeks and the brightest shade of lavender on her eyelids using a play pizza wedge for a microphone...

Anybody out there have any spilt lyrics to offer?

funny quotes

"Who are you calling a cootie coo? You lint licker."-Orbit gum commercial about dirty mouths. I LOVE THIS COMMERCIAL.

"You mean it's a Pep Rally not a PepperRally?"-Annslie, 3 weeks before school started during our annual shopping trip with Mimi. Annslie is a 7th grade cheerleader and had just figured this out. Lord help us. Apparently the other 7th grade cheerleader thought the same thing until she finally figured it out sometime this summer.

"You know what really pisses me off about Dixie Minkins? She has never once thanked me for putting Bobby's pic in the paper. Everybody else always thanks me when their kid is in the courier but not Dixie, not once. And she won't even speak to me when she sees me in town. She won't be seeing anymore Bobby pics in my paper anytime soon."-Mimi last night at the football game as Dixie sat two rows down and two people over. I'm sure I turned beet red and wouldn't be surprised if Dixie didn't hear. Oh well.

"Nope didn't say it."-Mayor McPrick
"Bob, I was standing right next to you at the football game with Minkle when you said you were going to fire officer Goodman within the next 10 days.There were a lot of people around when you said it."-councilman Daniels
"Nope didn't say it, never happened. We'll just see who is the liar in this scenario."-Mayor McPrick
"Well Bob that's what this conversation is about in the first place."-councilman Daniels
"Bob, I'd like to ask for your resignation. You and city manager Broome are running this town like it's your own little dictatorship. There are too many things getting lost or put "on hold" or swept under the rug. We need to make a change for the good of the town."-councilman Martinez
"I'm not resigning, maybe you should resign.I was elected to this post.It was the people's will."-Mayor McPrick

"You people are acting like 5 year olds."-councilwoman Tamkins

"Bob, I'm pretty sure you'd have a tough time getting any of those 112 people to vote for you again. Not to mention the fact that you ran UNOPPOSED."-councilman Daniels
"Well, I will be running again for relection."-Mayor McPrick
"I'll make you a deal Bob. If you run for mayor, I'll run against you."-councilman Martinez

Woohoo, looks like we'll have ourselves a good ole fashioned showdown come election time...if city hall is still standing at election time! Stay tuned

Good Morning TEXAS! How's the stinkin weather?

So mornings in our house are full speed ahead, full tilt, full throttle, etc trying to get everybody ready and out the door, with everything they need, to school on time. Except for Dad. Three kids to get ready, dogs and cats to be fed, beds to be made, etc.Once he has turned on the lights in the kids room and said "Get up." or something of the like he sits on the couch for 35 more minutes while everyone else gets busy getting ready. Then with 3 seconds until blast off, or time to leave so Annslie makes it to the bus on time, he gets up and puts his boots on and gathers the trash bags then says "We need to be going. Hurry up, it's time to go, let'sgolet'sgolet'sgo!" At which point I shoot him eye daggers because HE HAS BEEN SITTING ON THE COUCH WATCHING THE WEATHER FOR 35 MINUTES! While the rest of us have been running around and getting hair done and making sure back-packs are stuffed and papers signed and Annslie has her athletic clothes and shoes and Mad has his soccer stuff and TheDivineMissM has her dance stuff, etc. And he already has listened to the weather on the radio, and may have watched the weather before he came downstairs, and watched it before he went o bed last night. I wonder if their isn't some weird addiction to the weather channel that men succumb to at about age 30?

But not this morning. Dad didn't watch the weather because the satellite is down. Ha! But instead of contributing to the tasks at hand, helping us get out the door in a faster and more orderly way, he thinks of other stuff to do that has no baring whatsoever as to whether we get out the door on time or not. He is worrying about signing papers for cub scouts that don't even have to be signed until next week sometime, but he sends Mad on a search for the cub scout book instead of getting socks on and shoes tied. Thus setting us back at least 3 minutes. Oh wait, he did tell the girls to go back and turn their bedroom lights off...and for that I will be forever grateful.

We did get Annslie to the bus on time, and she was not the last one on, but still. Could Dad not get with program? Come on now son!

Now I'm going home to get two items that we forgot and them take them to school..

tweens are fashionistas

Oldest daughter and I were recently cleaning out her closet. Suddenly she says "You used to always by me ugly clothes." Me, mouth agape and eyes wide, slightly hurt and confused look on face, says "Like what? What did I buy you that was ugly." Annslie says "...turtlenecks..." I say "And what else." The heir apparent to Stacie and Clinton says "I don't know but definitely turtlenecks."

Whaa?!? And this is my life with tweenager. These broad rash statements which she makes leaving me to momentarily think "She has hated every article of clothing I've ever bought her, she has been suffering, then I get "turtlenecks."

Argh.

I mean, who ever said turtlenecks were meant to be supremely attractive in the first place? They're to keep you warm, they're a layering piece. Tween girls do not understand this kind of language by the way. There are not enough likes, ums, rights, huhs, or umkays, or mention of BOYS! for their brains to process the information correctly.

I should keep in mind that Annslie's primary wardrobe of choice for the past 3 years has been t-shirts and jeans, the more holes in the jeans the better. The summer wardrobe is the tiniest pair of shorts possible and a skinny skinny strappy tank top, and thus she is not allowed to leave the house like this which has caused innumerable and obscenely dramatic arguments complete with wailing and gnashing of teeth. She's 12 after all, and just because she has better body than I have possessed in my entire life does not mean she should show that body to the whole world. Her father almost passes out at the thought of what might occur should his precious baby girl leave the house in such attire. Meaning boys within the age of 12-14 might see (look at) her and think bad thoughts. She does not socialize with boys without a responsible adult present.

What's wrong with potato sacks? Why can't she like empire wasted babydoll shirts? Why can't baggy pants be in for girls? Why is everything in fashion these days obscenely tight?

Or am I just that old? I'm not sure we will all survive to make it to her high school graduation.

life at the firm

I have a boss who likes to have meetings for the sake of having meetings. I swear to God just so he can get us all in the same room at onetime and force us to be pleasant to each other for 1 hour. He gives us "agendas" with "topics of discussion," this is of course all BS. Usually he has his mind made up about what he wants done SO discussion is really pointless. If you don't watch what you say about his ideas you might have to deal with him holding a grudge for the next millennium and overly scrutinizing every action you take and every syllable you utter. Did I tell you I think he's bipolar? Well I don't know for sure but HE IS BIPOLAR. One week he is a paranoid sarcastic cynical ball of fire gremlin from hell and the next week he is riddled with narcolepsy and doesn't get any joke that comes out of any ones mouth because he is so dazed and is wandering absent minded through his childhood daydreams.

So we had a "meeting" today. The agenda stated that the topics would be office hours, work schedule, and attitude...I swear frigging hate meetings(did I already say that?). If you want to change the hours and schedule just do it. He knows what any of our schedule conflicts are and that we have been working said conflicts out for a decade because we've all been here doing the same stinkin job for that long. So just send a memo and change the hours. And the attitude part well he just wanted to make sure nobody had anything chappin' their rear...as if he wouldn't know about it already and like we would just bust out with it in front of the entire staff!! Never gonna happen. Grievances will always be aired privately and then only when the person has had an absolute buttfull and can not take one second more of the ridiculousness.

Make me drive an hour on Friday for this and THEN make me pay for my own lunch?!?! You have GOT to be kidding. Whaa? You aren't? Oh I thought I woke up in one of my old college nightmares but unfortunately this is my real life-AAAGGGHHH!

So anyway, I am so very glad it is Friday. I am going to go home and drink a couple of mojitos and watch What Not to Wear and take two Tylenol PMs and go comatose for a full eight hours.

Not really. Actually I get to go chaperone a hayride and bonfire for a group of 7th through 12th graders...this really is one of my college nightmares... pleaseletmewakeup pleaseletmewakeup pleaseletmewakeup pleaseletmewakeup please...you get the point

Did I tell you I love my job at the firm and am so blessed to have it?!?!

In which I complain a lot

So back to the scandal concerning the mayor and our villages police force. The police force has been cut in 1/2 because the patrolman at the center of the scandal resigned. So we have only one Barney Fife left. And actually Mr. Fife does a very good job and I'm pretty sure his gun is fully loaded at all times. Apparently Fife will choose to issue tickets through the county rather than the city because the honorable Mayor McPrick has this strange habit of "losing" or "misplacing" tickets. This ties into the next tidbit of info I will be divulging...

Yesterday the justice of the peace put in her resignation because she said she couldn't handle the added stress and doesn't want to put up with all of the requisite B.S. that is now coming her way, oh and she can't stand the mayor. This seems to be an over riding common theme with residents and close associates. I talked with Stella, a friend of mine who works in the city offices, she also can't stand Mayor McPrick. I think "hypocritical, lying bigot" were her exact words. She is pondering dropping out of the community Christmas program because she is subjected to his pricknesses presence at the practices.

So with the resignation of our justice of the peace a new one will have to be appointed to office. Guess who does the appointing? You guessed it, say it with me people "Mayor McPrick!" Of course the appointment will have to be approved by the city council, but I'm sure the Mayor will get that done, or else he'll throw a big fit and try to tell everyone that really it's up to the mayor, completely disregarding any civil law on the books because of his zeppelin size ego.

The bank did not approve Jenny D. to have off the day off for an upcoming convention she and I and 40 other women we know are going to. Even though she has a vacation day she can use...I really don't get that. Maybe I have been spoiled by the firm; in 10 years I have never been denied a day off. Anyway, Jenny needs this conference as much as the rest of us, not just because it's two days with no kids or hubby, but because the convention is such an uplifting and refreshing experience. Plus it's the girls, out and about in an actual big city, with malls and restaurants and movie theaters and museums and taxis and starbucks! The stinkin' bank didn't let her off the last time she asked either. She was going with hubby to a big city OVERNIGHT WITHOUT KIDS while he did a voice over for a book that is being published this fall. Dumb stinkin bank, I knew I didn't want to work there. makes me want to withdraw all of my 30 dollars and close my checking account! That would show them...

The stupid athletic department at Annslies school is about to pluck my last nerve. First we have one home soccer game for the girls this season. 1 home game, that's it. There were supposed to be TWO but then something happened and now we are traveling to the other school twice. Next they scheduled the soccer team to participate in a tournament this weekend and informed the players about it yesterday. I still don't know where the tournament is or when it starts or when to have her to the bus Saturday morning, I'm sure it will be sometime before dawn. And by the schedule we received at the beginning of the season the football team was supposed to have an open week (it said it in big black bold print) this week but all of the sudden we have a game tomorrow! And finally just when Annslie was starting to enjoy cross country (she made a good showing this past weekend) the coach changed the practice time from mornings to afternoons, which conflicts with cheerleading practice and football games 3 out of 4 days. I threw a fit last night to hubs, he's on the school board, and told him he had the power to say something and get something done...but he just stared at me blankly so I figure I'll have to complain to someone myself. Hubs usually has the attitude "It's done and what can be done about it now?" Hello, let's do somethimg so it doesn't happen again in the future? Checks and balances, right? Sometimes hubs is way to laid back.

Don't know why it matters...

I just want to say that everyone I've ever met in my lifetime named Timothy/Tim/Timmy or Catherine/Cathy/Kathryn has been a little nuts. Seriously. They've all been borderline, or in a few cases completely, nuts. Have you ever noticed commonalities between people of the same name?

Sorry if I've offended any Tims or Katies, really I probably haven't met you and you're probably perfectly sane and normal. Just the ones I have met...cufreakinckoo.