ANother reason I need to go back on the Zoloft

There is someone out in the blogosphere I am trying to find. She lives here. We're friends. She has a blog she started in July that has gotten almost 100,000 hits since it was birthed. She won't tell me her friggin blog address because she writes stuff about what goes on in this tiny hamlet. So what? So do I. That's why I am doing this. It's one of those things that makes me crazy. Do you know how many blogs there are out there. I mean CrRrRrap there're a lot of em. I'll never find her, and if I do she'll be in disguise so i won't know it anyway...so why do I care?

What a tangle web we've woven...

I'm involved in something I would rather not be involved in. It's sordid, it's nasty, it's mean, it's causing innocent people pain, it's causing me stress, it's caused someone to hate me. And I can't talk about it to very many people, and the people I can talk about it to I can't talk about it completely openly. And I can't extricate myself from it. I am stuck in it. I feel guilty about it. I feel torn about it. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I'm involved in the custody battle of an ugly and bitter divorce. She's my former best friend. I'm not on her side, that's part of why we shoot eye daggers at each other when in the same vicinity. The other part is that about two years ago I dumped her and our friendship. I just couldn't do friendship with her anymore. I don't know if we both changed, or if I realised who she really is, or if I changed and decided to live a better life and she didn't. But I really didn't like who she had become, and I didn't trust her or beleive what she said anymore, and I really didn't want to be involved with her. Anyway, I ended the friendship after 7 years of being very close, almost like family. Neither of us have sisters, but we had each other. She had no close family nearby, so I guess I was it. We went through divorce, marriage, having babies, having marital difficulties, having a cancer scare, the death of a parent...lots of deep emotional stuff. We were tight. I know lots of secrets about her, and she knows lots of my own bones and skeltons. It was a lot to let go of. It was scarey and I was lonely for a girlfriend for a while. But I'm in a much better place now with better and more positive, stable friendships.

Anyway, Gina and I became friends when I was very new to this very small town and I was very lonely. We had children the same age. She was in a volatile marriage, I had recently extricated myself from a horrible relationship. (My oldest child is from that relationship.) Gina and I were the same age, grew up in small towns, lived in various towns throughout the state, moved far away from home, didn't finish college, and had wild girl tendencies and habits. We had lots of stories to share. We laughed a lot. We "got" each other, we clicked, we bonded. I wasn't fond of her husband Dave, he was kind of piggish and gruff and crude and vulgar, but he was funny and loved her and the little one, and he could cook and there was always beer andfriends around. He made Annslie & I welcome in his home. I was glad to be there.

Not long after Gina and I became friends, Gina began an affair with Clay. Mind you I abhor cheating, so I told her I didn't want to know anything about this daliance. There was no way I wanted to look Dave in the eye and lie. I should have walked away from the friendship at this point, but I didn't. Hindsight is 20/10.

Dave discovered the affair and decided to blame me. He thought it happened since she and I became friends and was therefore somehow my fault. The man was grasping for straws, his world was crumbling, he was looking to blame someone. He fell for Gina the moment he saw her and now his life and marriage were being ripped away against his will. He phoned me one night looking for her, thinking I was covering for her. I was all "Whatever bucko, you had marital problems way before me. But I appreciate you thinking I'm so powerful I could destroy your marriage in 6 weeks. Your wife was more miserable than you thought, your marriage was in trouble way before I came to town. I don't know where she is or who she is with." Needless to say Dave and his huge extended family didn't like me for a while and I got a bad rap throughout town because of my supposed involvement in the demise of their marriage. Gina and Dave got a divorce, she got the house and the child. Dave rented a shack of an apartment and drank and cussed even more than he had while they were married.

About a year and 2 months later Clay and Gina got married in Hawaii. This was 2 months after I married Seth in Las Vegas. I realized 2 things about Gina around this time (1)she always wanted to have something bigger and better than what I had-keepingupwiththeJones syndrome (2)she could be quite opportunistic and manipulative for her benefit.

I still kept up with the friendship. I still wanted a best girlfriend and didn't really have any other friends besides Gina. It's hard to make friends in a small town when you have gotten a bad rap for being a home wrecker, and when you are still somewhat selfcentered and immature and not willing to put yourself "out there" like I was.

Fast forward 4 years. Gina and I work in the same office and are both pregnant with our 3rd child, both girls due two months apart, mine first. Gina decided to get pregnant with her 3rd after Seth and I were presently surprised with another on the way. We now have a boy and a girl each. Our girls are the same age, our boys are the same age, our hubbies are friends. We work together. We hang out together. We take vacations together. We spend holidays and birthdays together. We paint and scrapbook and cook and shop together. I'm friends with her highschool buddies, mine are to far away for her to have met, but I wonder what they would think of her. I am really thinking they might not like her, because I have my own misgivings about her but I overlook those because I don't want to be lonely and we have a lot of fun together and our kidslove each other.

One day in Novemeber we go to a meeting and find out the companyis going to be scaling back. We all have to reinterview for jobs. I have my baby in Decemeber and reinterview when she is 2 weeks old. I am "rehired." Gina has her baby in February, reinterviews in March, and is let go in April.

So this is brings us to the point 4 1/2 years ago where Gina decided to go to nursing school, which lead ultimately to the downfall of her third rocky marriage and to the ugly divorce and custody battle which I am unfortunately involved in.

To be continued...

War of the Words

So Mimi & Popeye are newspaper tycoons; well not really tycoons but they do own a handful of small town newspapers and a darn good printing business. They work their asses of everyday trying to print a paper that is relevant and valuable and a positive addition to the community. Mimi & Popeye know their stuff. They've been at this long enough, they are like a well-oiled machine. They are proud of what they do but always striving to create a better newspaper. They don't print gossip, they don't print incorrect information. They check their facts carefully, sometimes they don't check their spelling and grammar as carefully but their facts are damn straight!

Recently we've had a little scandal in our local police department. Now mind you small towns in somewhat remote locations are a perfect breeding place for scandals because people are bored and there are not enough entertainment venues to satisfy. And you know what else lots of people are just plain dumb and don't know how to play nice. Many people think they are above the law. If a family has been here long enough and contributed enough to the local history (whether positive or negative,as long as it's entertaining...) then sometimes these locals have come to see this Maberry-like place as their own personal kingdom. Kids drive all over town at age 14 with nary a consequence. Everyone knows who the resident drug dealers are and amazingly some have been at it for decades without being caught-as long as their business isn't to big, is nonviolent, and no one is dying then it's like "Drug dealer?!?! Where?" Collared and tagged dogs roam the neighborhoods chasing walkers and bikers with no fear of being picked up by the dog catcher because as long as no one gets hurt there's no problem now is there? Kids party in town with adults present and providing the alcohol and place to party and do so for years, no one gets an MIP and the party is never busted.

Not so long ago the town hired a young cop to be the cities 2nd patrolman. To me this young man seemed to be doing a bang up job. He was enforcing curfew, slowing down traffic, and correcting irresponsible driving. I was corrected for speeding and rolling through a stop sign, I was guilty and he was right to stop me for it. Oh and when I say traffic I mean that in the loosest sense possible, 5 cars on the road is a busy spot here. But then this young cop messed with the wrong families. 1st he gave the mayor's son a ticket for having an open container of alcohol in the truck. Whoops! mad mayor and also a perfect example of how some people think they are above the law. The mayor's son is in his late 20's, he's not a baby and he knows the law as well as the rest of us. He just fails to see that it applies equally to him. The next mistake the young cop made was in spotting drug paraphernalia when serving a restraining order, then getting a search warrant to go back and look said paraphernalia, then arresting those in the residence at the time including one minor. One of the people arrested is a young man in his early 20's, out of school for quite a few years but still living at home with mommy and daddy. Well mommy & daddy got pissed, but not at their son. They went on the warpath to get the young gun fired. The mayor saw this as his chance to exact revenge on the cop.

In a recent city council meeting the practices and work habits of the young cop were to be discussed. Present at the meeting were those in support of and those wishing for the flogging of said young cop. After hearing public words on behalf of and against the cop the council decided to discuss the cop behind close doors. The cop had been studying up on official proceedings and asked for this discussion to be done is public and with him present as it was about him. The mayor denied his request and took the council into a closed door session. And now the cop, with support of the attorney general, may sue both the town and the mayor.

Well, Mimi happened to be in attendance at said council meeting and reported the facts and proceedings in an article. Oh my how the mayors' temper did flare. I think that might have been the cause of the warm spell we experienced shortly thereafter. He accused Mimi of not having her facts straight to anyone in town who would listen. Now Mimi was at the meeting, talked to the cop afterward, and talked to some city employees as well. Mimi had multiple people come into her office and tell her the mayor was flat out calling her a liar. Then one bright and sunny afternoon Mimi ran into the mayor, which isn't hard to do considering he lives just across the street. The mayor tried to tell Mimi she wouldn't be allowed to acquire or publish the lists of who was arrested in the county over the past week and that she needed to check her facts more completely. Well, as you can imagine all 5ft nothing of Mimi got plum mad. She told the mayor that arrests were public record and that he, nor anyone else, could prevent her from acquiring or publishing said arrest records (something about freedom of information and speech and matter of public record or something...) and that had her facts were lined up in rows but he just didn't like the way they looked from her vantage point! Well, next came a letter to the editor (...otherwise known as Mimi) from the mayor. The mayor once again tried to say she had her facts wrong and should have been in attendance at more council meetings because then she would have a better understanding of the proceedings...To which Mimi said "Not so much Mayor McPrick!" So along with the mayors letter to the editor that was printed in the newspaper was a REPLY from the editor. She basically told the mayor that he and his platoon of thuggy henchmen were W-R-O-N-G and that she had her facts straight and that they couldn't censor her paper or any other just cause they didn't like what was written in it. And that oh by the way you can't forbid the city employees from talking to the paper as they have been trying to do. SCORE! WAR! And don't get Mimi on a soapbox, because she won't come off of it for a very long time. Since the paper came out she has had numerous calls of support and "YOUGOGIRL!" One council member is pondering asking for the mayor and city managers resignation. We shall see what transpires.

What this shows to me is that sometimes people get tunnel vision, blinders, or loss of perspective. And it isn't just doctors who get the God complex, it's normal everyday average joes, too, who get a little power crazy. I wish natives and lifelong residents of this wonderful hamlet could understand that this is the real world, all of whose rules still apply. And that whether they like it or not, no one is above the law. Heck, seven years ago the daughter of our U.S. president got busted for a fake ID. If that doesn't say something I don't know what does. We may have the privilege of leading charmed lives in this western Maberry but we are still doing so in the real world in the U.S.A. late in the year 2007. We are all equal, accountable, and subject to the law.