I'm involved in something I would rather not be involved in. It's sordid, it's nasty, it's mean, it's causing innocent people pain, it's causing me stress, it's caused someone to hate me. And I can't talk about it to very many people, and the people I can talk about it to I can't talk about it completely openly. And I can't extricate myself from it. I am stuck in it. I feel guilty about it. I feel torn about it. It makes me sick to my stomach.
I'm involved in the custody battle of an ugly and bitter divorce. She's my former best friend. I'm not on her side, that's part of why we shoot eye daggers at each other when in the same vicinity. The other part is that about two years ago I dumped her and our friendship. I just couldn't do friendship with her anymore. I don't know if we both changed, or if I realised who she really is, or if I changed and decided to live a better life and she didn't. But I really didn't like who she had become, and I didn't trust her or beleive what she said anymore, and I really didn't want to be involved with her. Anyway, I ended the friendship after 7 years of being very close, almost like family. Neither of us have sisters, but we had each other. She had no close family nearby, so I guess I was it. We went through divorce, marriage, having babies, having marital difficulties, having a cancer scare, the death of a parent...lots of deep emotional stuff. We were tight. I know lots of secrets about her, and she knows lots of my own bones and skeltons. It was a lot to let go of. It was scarey and I was lonely for a girlfriend for a while. But I'm in a much better place now with better and more positive, stable friendships.
Anyway, Gina and I became friends when I was very new to this very small town and I was very lonely. We had children the same age. She was in a volatile marriage, I had recently extricated myself from a horrible relationship. (My oldest child is from that relationship.) Gina and I were the same age, grew up in small towns, lived in various towns throughout the state, moved far away from home, didn't finish college, and had wild girl tendencies and habits. We had lots of stories to share. We laughed a lot. We "got" each other, we clicked, we bonded. I wasn't fond of her husband Dave, he was kind of piggish and gruff and crude and vulgar, but he was funny and loved her and the little one, and he could cook and there was always beer andfriends around. He made Annslie & I welcome in his home. I was glad to be there.
Not long after Gina and I became friends, Gina began an affair with Clay. Mind you I abhor cheating, so I told her I didn't want to know anything about this daliance. There was no way I wanted to look Dave in the eye and lie. I should have walked away from the friendship at this point, but I didn't. Hindsight is 20/10.
Dave discovered the affair and decided to blame me. He thought it happened since she and I became friends and was therefore somehow my fault. The man was grasping for straws, his world was crumbling, he was looking to blame someone. He fell for Gina the moment he saw her and now his life and marriage were being ripped away against his will. He phoned me one night looking for her, thinking I was covering for her. I was all "Whatever bucko, you had marital problems way before me. But I appreciate you thinking I'm so powerful I could destroy your marriage in 6 weeks. Your wife was more miserable than you thought, your marriage was in trouble way before I came to town. I don't know where she is or who she is with." Needless to say Dave and his huge extended family didn't like me for a while and I got a bad rap throughout town because of my supposed involvement in the demise of their marriage. Gina and Dave got a divorce, she got the house and the child. Dave rented a shack of an apartment and drank and cussed even more than he had while they were married.
About a year and 2 months later Clay and Gina got married in Hawaii. This was 2 months after I married Seth in Las Vegas. I realized 2 things about Gina around this time (1)she always wanted to have something bigger and better than what I had-keepingupwiththeJones syndrome (2)she could be quite opportunistic and manipulative for her benefit.
I still kept up with the friendship. I still wanted a best girlfriend and didn't really have any other friends besides Gina. It's hard to make friends in a small town when you have gotten a bad rap for being a home wrecker, and when you are still somewhat selfcentered and immature and not willing to put yourself "out there" like I was.
Fast forward 4 years. Gina and I work in the same office and are both pregnant with our 3rd child, both girls due two months apart, mine first. Gina decided to get pregnant with her 3rd after Seth and I were presently surprised with another on the way. We now have a boy and a girl each. Our girls are the same age, our boys are the same age, our hubbies are friends. We work together. We hang out together. We take vacations together. We spend holidays and birthdays together. We paint and scrapbook and cook and shop together. I'm friends with her highschool buddies, mine are to far away for her to have met, but I wonder what they would think of her. I am really thinking they might not like her, because I have my own misgivings about her but I overlook those because I don't want to be lonely and we have a lot of fun together and our kidslove each other.
One day in Novemeber we go to a meeting and find out the companyis going to be scaling back. We all have to reinterview for jobs. I have my baby in Decemeber and reinterview when she is 2 weeks old. I am "rehired." Gina has her baby in February, reinterviews in March, and is let go in April.
So this is brings us to the point 4 1/2 years ago where Gina decided to go to nursing school, which lead ultimately to the downfall of her third rocky marriage and to the ugly divorce and custody battle which I am unfortunately involved in.
To be continued...
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